Married to the Mob

I’ve realised that despite long and involved rants about His family, I’ve barely even mentioned mine in passing. This is a crime, as my family are the most fabulously glamorous and insane bunch of beautiful freaks you’re ever likely to meet.

So – a quick run down:

DaddyCool – My dad (obviously) is an economist by day and rock and roll god by night. No, really. He is married to…

StepMommy – who is 90% great and 10% irritating, much like all (step)parents. And she looks like Trudi Styler. Just don’t mention the…

StepBrats - aka my vaguely related stepbrothers. It’s not that I don’t like them I just… don’t like them.

Then there’s

LotusMomma – my mother. I could write whole paragraphs. Instead I’ll settle for three words: Buddhist; Skinny; Co-dependent. But she’s alright really. I don’t see any of her family, so back to DaddyCool’s side of the clan…

SuperGran – DaddyCool and Joni’s mum, my grandma. Officially a very cool old lady. The first time she met Him she spent the whole time flirting and stroking His leg. Poor boy didn’t know what had hit Him! She lives on the other side of London, near to…

Jellie – my beautiful cousin/best friend/lifelong confidante. Again, I could write paragraphs, but for entirely different reasons. I love her.

Joni and TopGun – Jellie’s parents. The most generous, fabulous, hard-drinking and 40-going-on-21 people to ever walk the earth.

PrettyKitty – Jellie’s sister, my other stunning cousin. The only one of us whose creativity has gone into acting rather than music or writing. As a non-drinker, the fact that she hasn’t disowned us all points to her intense inner strength…

And finally there’s

BratGirl – my beloved sister. Crazy artist, with JLo’s arse (needs a mention). No major character flaws at all, other than the fact that she’s chosen to live on the other side of the world…

You’ll be meeting all of these guys at some point. But for now, just be aware that there’s a reason (or several reasons) why I am the way I am… and most of them are listed above.