Save the Whale
I have a dream/nightmare, and the dream is this...
Picture a hot mediterranean beach. People lounging around, sunbathing, playing volleyball, eating ice cream. Focus in on two lifeguards. They're probably speaking Spanish, but let's assume we have a babelfish* and therefore can understand them...
"So, Juan, what did you get up to with that fit chicky last night?"
"Oh, I banged her every which way from- Wait a minute!"
"What? What?"
"Miguel, look over there! Is that...?!"
"My god, a whale!"
"Quick, call Greenpeace! I'll clear the beach!"
Juan sprints towards the gargantuan mass on the edge of the shore, scattering lithe Spanish beauties as he runs. He spares an admiring glance for their scantily clad breasts, but this is a man on a mission... As he approached the creature, he notices something unusual - could that be... no... a human head?!
As Miguel jogs up to join him, having somehow acquired a bikini-clad beauty on each arm, the two lifeguards look at each other.
"Shit, she's back." Juan sighs.
Miguel nods gravely. "You'd think she would have learnt by now. Our beach is for beautiful people only. Like these." He generously hands over one of his chicks to Juan.
Juan shrugs. "Ah well. Better call Greenpeace back and tell them it's a false alarm."
"Okay. Just as soon as we bang these chickys in the beach bar toilets."
"Well obviously we'll do that first."
As they walk away, Mookmoo looks up. "Whale? That's a bit harsh. Small dolphin maybe..."
Yes, it’s April, and therefore my mind turns as always to bikini season. Every woman's hell, every man's heaven...
With this in mind, I have conjured a scary amount of willpower, and as well as getting up early every morning to do stomach crunches, have re-acquainted myself with yoga. Ignoring the fact that the video which I used to do on rest days (when I was a serious yoga-buff) now makes me pant and strain and swear, it was a rather fabulous experience to do it for the first time in 3 years last night and find that my body, if not my mind, remembers most of the sequences. I feel very virtuous this morning.
I’m not going to bang on about this – god knows women on a diet are the most boring people on earth when they start talking about it, but I will just say this: 11 weeks to go. AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - look it up.
Picture a hot mediterranean beach. People lounging around, sunbathing, playing volleyball, eating ice cream. Focus in on two lifeguards. They're probably speaking Spanish, but let's assume we have a babelfish* and therefore can understand them...
"So, Juan, what did you get up to with that fit chicky last night?"
"Oh, I banged her every which way from- Wait a minute!"
"What? What?"
"Miguel, look over there! Is that...?!"
"My god, a whale!"
"Quick, call Greenpeace! I'll clear the beach!"
Juan sprints towards the gargantuan mass on the edge of the shore, scattering lithe Spanish beauties as he runs. He spares an admiring glance for their scantily clad breasts, but this is a man on a mission... As he approached the creature, he notices something unusual - could that be... no... a human head?!
As Miguel jogs up to join him, having somehow acquired a bikini-clad beauty on each arm, the two lifeguards look at each other.
"Shit, she's back." Juan sighs.
Miguel nods gravely. "You'd think she would have learnt by now. Our beach is for beautiful people only. Like these." He generously hands over one of his chicks to Juan.
Juan shrugs. "Ah well. Better call Greenpeace back and tell them it's a false alarm."
"Okay. Just as soon as we bang these chickys in the beach bar toilets."
"Well obviously we'll do that first."
As they walk away, Mookmoo looks up. "Whale? That's a bit harsh. Small dolphin maybe..."
Yes, it’s April, and therefore my mind turns as always to bikini season. Every woman's hell, every man's heaven...
With this in mind, I have conjured a scary amount of willpower, and as well as getting up early every morning to do stomach crunches, have re-acquainted myself with yoga. Ignoring the fact that the video which I used to do on rest days (when I was a serious yoga-buff) now makes me pant and strain and swear, it was a rather fabulous experience to do it for the first time in 3 years last night and find that my body, if not my mind, remembers most of the sequences. I feel very virtuous this morning.
I’m not going to bang on about this – god knows women on a diet are the most boring people on earth when they start talking about it, but I will just say this: 11 weeks to go. AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - look it up.
posted by Mookmoo at 9:43 am
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