Running on Empty

I am in serious danger of just giving up. I am so tired of fighting everyone and everything for the right to have a happy life.

I am feeling so ground down by the demands of everybody and every company and every goddamn thing, that I am finally, after 3 years, close to the point of surrender. There is only so many times that you can get kicked while on the floor and still try and get up again with a smile.

If the universe has decided that on the day He and I got together, our lives would be cursed for everafter (and god knows it looks that way) then maybe we should just give up. Maybe I should just do what this girl has always done best and get the hell out of Dodge.

It's just that every time I've run away before, and that's been a lot of times, I've never really regretted any of the things I was leaving behind me.

Oh God, I don't know. Maybe He'd be so much better off without me that it wouldn't even hurt Him too much once He realised that.

But in the end, however much I probably should go, I don't think I can. I think I have to stay here and just keep getting beaten and kicked by fate, and live with the guilt that I'm responsible for Him getting kicked too because I won't leave and send Him back to the safe bosom of His family where money troubles are whisked away and love smothers like a blanket of sackcloth.

Love makes fools of us all in the end, I guess. Even me