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I've been crying for about an hour, and drinking hasn't helped, and thinking about cigarettes hasn't helped, so maybe this will.

There is not one single person I could call right now. I know this because I went through my phone book as well as my mobile phone address book, and couldn't come up with even one name. All I want to do is hear someone else's voice while I cry big snotty messy tears down the phone.

I have gone so very very wrong somewhere. I am so lonely. I can't even begin to explain what it feels like to be this alone and isolated and unhappy. Do you know the last time I spent time with a friend? No, neither do I, because it's been so long I don't remember. I lost all my friends when I moved to this godforsaken common little corner of England, and I was so in love that I didn't even notice. I'm like the worst kind of sad bitch who abandons her friends for her man, except now I'm being punished in spades.

I am so miserable, so alone, and so lonely. I've forgotten how to have friends, how it feels to relax in someone's company and just chat and laugh and feel that warmth of human interaction.

Why did I ever agree to move here? Why did I put His wants and needs before mine? Why did I decide that His desire to be near his goddam family was more important than my need to be less than 50 miles away from the nearest person who cares about me, just me, rather than me as His other half?

Oh Christ, this isn't helping. This is just making it worse.