So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

This is the last post I'll be making before we head off on holiday, and it will also be the last post in this blog.

However you can dry your eyes, because from 4th July you will be able to find me at:

http://newlyweddramaqueenmk2.blogspot.com/

(you didn't really think I'd be able to stay away did you?)

I hope you all have a lovely week, and I look forward to seeing you in the new blog sometime soon.

Big love,

Mookmoo xx

Under Construction

This blog is currently under construction and undergoing refurbishment.

For Drama Queen services, please go to http://newlyweddramaqueen.blogspot.com/

Thanks, Mookmoo

The Long Goodbye?

I'm not sure I'm going to carry on this blog when I come back from holiday.

There, I said it. I've been thinking it for a while, but it's nice to actually write it down.

Don't get me wrong, I'll probably feel differently when I get back, but at the moment I just crave a fresh start so badly. I'm looking forward to the holiday itself enormously, but I'm also looking forward to coming back looking healthy and tanned (yes, yes, I know that's technically a contradiction), caught up on sleep, and ready to make go of things.

One of the big changes will be that from 1st July onwards, His financial affairs will have no effect on me. So frankly He can fuck up as much as He likes, but as long as I extract His money for the joint account as soon as He gets paid, any fuck-ups He may/will make won't really make my life any harder. I know how apallingly selfish that sounds, but I don't care. You know what I've been through over the last few months, so judge at your peril...

I really want to make this holiday a bridge between the terrible, terrible first half of the year and what will hopefully be a much better second half.

I need to start writing again, I need to do more, see my friends more, generally get a life again.

So, anyway, I don't know if I want this blog hanging around my neck as a reminder of all the horrible horrible shit we've been through.

Maybe I'll just start a new one.

Maybe I'll change my mind again.

Maybe a lot of things...

Highdays and Holidays

Had a lovely weekend. Friday night at Supergran's with lots of G&T and sympathy. Ended up telling her about the whole big money mess, and actually found a funny side. Amazing what insights can be offered by someone who's known you your whole life. Then I had lunch with a very hungover Jellie on Saturday, which was rather nice. There's nothing like a big dose of family to make me feel better.

24 hours away from Him gave me lots of lovely clarity and distance on everything that's been happening, and made me realise that it's really not so bad. Was able to go home feeling renewed and better and generally ready to get on with things.

Also had the bonus of a phone call from Daddycool and Stepmummy on Sunday afternoon. I don't know whether Supergran had spilled the beans, or whether Daddycool has finally developed parental intuition, but they were worried about me. Which is such a rare occurence that it was lovely rather than irritating.

I do adore my family, dysfunctional though they may be.

This time in 6 days we'll be touching down at Alicante airport. Hurray! I feel ready to go away now. My suitcase is already half packed, and my bikini is in my hand luggage - they can lose my bags, but they will not break my holiday spirit!

I feel ready to take on anything life throws at me right now. I'm sure the feeling won't last, but it's nice for the time being in any case...

In Other News...

I have rediscovered the joys of vitriolic ranting - it makes me feel sooooo cleansed! For recent targets of the ranting please see here: http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/ and here: http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/entertainment/49592004.htm

I have begun to enjoy writing elegantly penned and bitingly sarcastic letters to banks. I may even publish a book of them, so stunning can they be.

I have managed to combine a bikini top from debenhams sale with bottoms from primark (don't laugh) to make a perfectly acceptable super-cheap bikini. Just hope it doesn't fall apart mid-holiday.

I am going through a period of being permanently starving hungry. This is depressing, because I want to be thinner for my holiday, not fatter!

I am going to see Supergran tomorrow for the night, then having lunch with Jellie on Saturday. I am disproportionately excited.

He has finally agreed that we can move away at the beginning of next year. Now we just have to agree on where...

Last night was the first time in ages that I bought a bottle of wine and actually left some for the next day instead of drinking the lot.

Something Completely Different

Hmmmm. Did consider deleting yesterday's post out of fairness to Him, but sometimes life just isn't fair. So it can stay. But it is getting sorted now, and He's putting in a lot of work to make things better, so we'll leave it.

Just had the strangest experience. Was answering a post on a posting board I hang about on ocasionally when bored at work, which was 'what were the best years of your life?'. This is what I found myself writing:

"From the minute I left my evil, twisted school, and realised that not being rich, blonde and evil didn't make me a bad person after all. 11-18 were years of such incredible soul-destroying hell that everything afterwards, even the worst of times, has seemed golden in comparison."

After posting it, I wondered for a minute if I'd been melodramatic, and then thought no, actually, that really is true.

Funny, I've occasionally felt bullied as an adult (in my first job for example), but nothing like the incredible misery I experienced here: http://www.sevenoaksschool.org/Homepage_1.asp?category=3&id=15091 If you don't know what it feels like to be made to feel like you are worse than nothing, every day, then I really can't describe it to you. You actually wouldn't want to know.

So, not that I am much of a one for counting my blessings, at least at this nasty time we've been going through I can remember that it's still better than school.

Square One

Bollocks!

Now, you may recall that we were nicely on track for the holiday etc. That was until He somehow managed to splurge all His cash within four days of getting paid, and is now £80 short on His bills.

Part of me obviously wants to kill Him, but to be fair He's feeling guilty and shitty enough without me needing to add to it. I went as far as "Well, I don't think there's much point in going on holiday then.", but that upset Him so much that it felt like far enough.

So... back to using Ebay to pay bills, and suddenly it looks like we'll be taking about £20 on holiday.

I'm sorry, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!!

Hopes and Fears

My 3 Biggest Fears:

1.Losing Him (I would hope this is fairly self explanatory)

2. Losing my sight (this is enhanced by having crap eyesight and various eye problems, which shouldn't lead to blindness but I constantly fear will. I have about five eye exams a year, even though you only need one, and this means I am an optician-whore, and even when I've been examined and cleared by almost every optician within a 10 mile radius, I am still scared. I even have a special contingency plan of what I will do if I do go blind)

3. Finding out I'm going to die (I'm not scared of dying as a concept, I'm scared of knowing about it beforehand. I am of the opinion that dying in an accident would be preferable to having weeks or months of preparing for it.)

Obviously there are lots more things I'm afarid of, like all people, but those are the big three.

My 3 Biggest Hopes:

1. That the book will one day be published (I don't even care if anyone buys it. I just want to see it on the shelf in a book shop)

2. That one day we will earn enough for life not to be such a struggle (I'm not talking about being rich, just comfortable)

3. That He and I will have long and happy lives, even if we're not together by the end (I'm a realist, what can I say?)

Things That Bug Me #4587

I buy ONE album from Amazon, and the next time I sign in, the recommendations page lists ten CDs that I already own (and really like).

Are my tastes really as predictable as average joe's?!

Bed Head

He is an angel in human form.

Following yesterday's spectacular catapult over the bedroom furniture, my left hand is gashed so badly that I have to keep it covered, try not to use it, and can't get it wet.

So we got home last night and He, obviously having missed His true calling as a health and safety inspector, set about rearranging all the bedroom furniture so that such an accident couldn't happen again (I did point out that for that to be truly effective we'd also have to find a way of extracting my clumsiness gene, but never mind!). Once this had been done (with an impressive mix of functional and attractive), I then decided to throw a strop about having filthy hair that I can't wash for at least a week until my hand starts to heal properly.

Cue Him offering to wash my hair for me. And not only did He wash it, He also indulged me by washing it the way I do - shampooing twice, conditioner, anti frizz stuff, etc etc. And aside from deliberately showering my chest (bringing about a wet t-shirt contest moment), He did it very well.

And so it is that I sit here today with an aching, heavily bandaged hand, but also clean shiny hair.

Things are good in Mookmoo's world.