Mookmoo’s Christmas
Much as I’d love to give you an in-depth insight into my activities over the last couple of weeks, I’ll spare you the finer details and try to keep it brief…
22nd – went out for dinner with DaddyCool and StepMummy, got pissed, went home and got more pissed, all played games and drank lots and lots, went to bed very late and still had to get up for work.
23rd (Wedding Anniversary) – sleep-walked through morning at work, then went out, got pissed, had fun, was good.
24th (Christmas Eve) – went to MIL’s, endured homophobic rant*, felt sick, went to Joni and Topgun’s to see family etc, and ended up doing dance routines with Neil and Jellie to Steps and Kylie and Jason – hurrah, told Jellie we are moving to Brighton – hurrah, got pissed on champagne – hurrah, had to leave – booooooooo!!!
25th (Christmas Day) – went to shitty council estate to pick up MIL’s stepmother - aka Mental Auntie, got lost, drove around for ages, found her, went to MIL’s, ate Christmas dinner in 45 minutes (with The Family it never takes less than 3 or 4 hours!), watched telly, played games, endured Mental Auntie’s schizo views on ‘darkies’, went to bed as early as acceptable.
26th (Boxing Day) – woke up, went to pub with Nambo and Cliffhanger for bloody marys, got blindingly heavy period, went to Mars and Venus’s, spent whole day fighting sleep and cramps, was visibly stroppy (though tried hard not to be), had to eat Christmas dinner all over again, wasn’t allowed to go home til midnight, went to sleep while He told MIL about Brighton – ha!
27th – woke up to lots of snow, MIL panicked and insisted on taking us home asap due to snow – hurrah, got home, watched five hours of Friends and Sex in the City, felt normal again.
28th - lay around, watched DVDs, ate chocolate.
29th – went to the pub with Nambo, Cliffhanger, Queen of the Irish, Piano Man, and various others, got drunk, was fab.
30th - lay around, watched DVDs, ate chocolate.
31st – celebrated NYE by staying in and eating tons of Mexican food as 2005 was the shittest year ever and didn’t want to celebrate it, cried for twenty minutes at midnight because 2005 was finally gone, drank champagne, fell asleep on the sofa.
1st – Thims came over, went for coffee, bitched about outlaws, had a laugh, then had pizza for dinner with Him.
2nd – went out for a ‘last day of holidays’ lunch, got pissed, went to pub, got more pissed, staggered home, tried to watch Mr and Mrs Smith, turned it off after half an hour because it was shit, fell asleep on the sofa.
3rd (today) – refused to get up, threw a tantrum, cried about boiler never giving any hot water, He fixed boiler so I could wash my hair, ate some healthy cereal, tried hard not to throw it back up (bad at eating in the morning), walked to work, sat at desk, started writing blog…
… and here we are. So it was an up and down sort of Christmas. But on the plus side, we are planning to move to Brighton, we survived our first year of marriage, and my family and friends are great and I love them all lots.
*Turns out MIL isn’t just homophobic because she’s a bible thumper and therefore has to be. No, she really hates the homos. They make her ‘skin crawl’ apparently. They’re damned, going to hell, responsible for the breakdown of morals and values in society, half of them aren’t really gay and are just pretending because it’s fashionable… yadda yadda yadda. Nice. You have no idea the self control it took not to say “Wow, I’m so glad I’ve never told you that I’ve slept with women and I like it… oops, sorry, just did!” or, more to the point, “Shut the fuck up you stupid, prejudiced, narrow-minded, ignorant, bible thumping bigot!”. But apparently you’re not allowed to do that when it’s your husband’s mother. Even if said husband is sitting there looking sicker by the minute and agrees with you 100% regarding the rights of everyone to sleep with whoever the fuck they like without being persecuted for it.
22nd – went out for dinner with DaddyCool and StepMummy, got pissed, went home and got more pissed, all played games and drank lots and lots, went to bed very late and still had to get up for work.
23rd (Wedding Anniversary) – sleep-walked through morning at work, then went out, got pissed, had fun, was good.
24th (Christmas Eve) – went to MIL’s, endured homophobic rant*, felt sick, went to Joni and Topgun’s to see family etc, and ended up doing dance routines with Neil and Jellie to Steps and Kylie and Jason – hurrah, told Jellie we are moving to Brighton – hurrah, got pissed on champagne – hurrah, had to leave – booooooooo!!!
25th (Christmas Day) – went to shitty council estate to pick up MIL’s stepmother - aka Mental Auntie, got lost, drove around for ages, found her, went to MIL’s, ate Christmas dinner in 45 minutes (with The Family it never takes less than 3 or 4 hours!), watched telly, played games, endured Mental Auntie’s schizo views on ‘darkies’, went to bed as early as acceptable.
26th (Boxing Day) – woke up, went to pub with Nambo and Cliffhanger for bloody marys, got blindingly heavy period, went to Mars and Venus’s, spent whole day fighting sleep and cramps, was visibly stroppy (though tried hard not to be), had to eat Christmas dinner all over again, wasn’t allowed to go home til midnight, went to sleep while He told MIL about Brighton – ha!
27th – woke up to lots of snow, MIL panicked and insisted on taking us home asap due to snow – hurrah, got home, watched five hours of Friends and Sex in the City, felt normal again.
28th - lay around, watched DVDs, ate chocolate.
29th – went to the pub with Nambo, Cliffhanger, Queen of the Irish, Piano Man, and various others, got drunk, was fab.
30th - lay around, watched DVDs, ate chocolate.
31st – celebrated NYE by staying in and eating tons of Mexican food as 2005 was the shittest year ever and didn’t want to celebrate it, cried for twenty minutes at midnight because 2005 was finally gone, drank champagne, fell asleep on the sofa.
1st – Thims came over, went for coffee, bitched about outlaws, had a laugh, then had pizza for dinner with Him.
2nd – went out for a ‘last day of holidays’ lunch, got pissed, went to pub, got more pissed, staggered home, tried to watch Mr and Mrs Smith, turned it off after half an hour because it was shit, fell asleep on the sofa.
3rd (today) – refused to get up, threw a tantrum, cried about boiler never giving any hot water, He fixed boiler so I could wash my hair, ate some healthy cereal, tried hard not to throw it back up (bad at eating in the morning), walked to work, sat at desk, started writing blog…
… and here we are. So it was an up and down sort of Christmas. But on the plus side, we are planning to move to Brighton, we survived our first year of marriage, and my family and friends are great and I love them all lots.
*Turns out MIL isn’t just homophobic because she’s a bible thumper and therefore has to be. No, she really hates the homos. They make her ‘skin crawl’ apparently. They’re damned, going to hell, responsible for the breakdown of morals and values in society, half of them aren’t really gay and are just pretending because it’s fashionable… yadda yadda yadda. Nice. You have no idea the self control it took not to say “Wow, I’m so glad I’ve never told you that I’ve slept with women and I like it… oops, sorry, just did!” or, more to the point, “Shut the fuck up you stupid, prejudiced, narrow-minded, ignorant, bible thumping bigot!”. But apparently you’re not allowed to do that when it’s your husband’s mother. Even if said husband is sitting there looking sicker by the minute and agrees with you 100% regarding the rights of everyone to sleep with whoever the fuck they like without being persecuted for it.
posted by Mookmoo at 11:25 am
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