Blood is Thicker Than Pinot Noir

I left Him yesterday.

Admittedly, only for five minutes or so, but I did leave Him.

I'd just had enough. Enough of this crappy substandard life, in this crappy substandard town, in this crappy substandard little country. For five minutes I was on my way somewhere else.

But... well, we worked it out instead. Talking, red wine, more talking, some falling over... I could go into everything we talked about, but firstly it isn't anything you haven't already heard (for the most part), and secondly, there isn't much point rehashing it all. So I'll just give you the edited highlights.

I told Him I hate the way He puts his family first and sometimes judges me by their standards. I also told Him how much I hate the way He judges Himself by their standards. I told Him that unless He could put a little faith in His own choices and decisions (e.g. the decision to marry me!) then I might as well leave because He's making Himself unhappy by using other people's warped standards to measure His life.


He told me He was scared I would never want to have children (fair), and scared that I won't settle in the country (fair). I pointed out to Him that He isn't sure about having kids either (when he isn't chanelling the spirit of fucking MIL), and that He has often expressed interest in living abroad for a while.

To cut a long story short, I miss the man I fell in love with. I think He misses Himself too. And I miss the me I used to be before I got so fucking bored and dissatisfied with this crappy substandard life.

So?

Well, I didn't leave.

We're going to leave Essex and take it from there.

I guess maybe He's finally chosen me over them.

Maybe.