Low Motivation

I have lots of work to do, but no motivation to actually do it. Which, in fact, is currently a good summation of my life in general.

I'm having one of those periods where I look around at my life and feel astonished that this is where I've ended up. This really wasn't my life plan a few years ago. It's not being married so much as just being in this weird settled state, where I feel permanently unfufilled but without the tools (e.g. money, opportunity) to change that. I have made no secret of the fact that I was never cut out to be a wifey/mothery/little-woman-y type, but somehow I seem to have landed up on the brink of that without really noticing, and now that I've realised where I am, I'm kind of panicking.

The thing is, I'm not in any way opposed to monogamy and marriage and all of that - I like it, in fact - but it's the baggage that is supposed to come with it that I don't want. I don't want to own a house, I don't want children, and I don't want a career that offers stability and good maternity pay as its deciding factors. I feel like my life path is being mapped for me by someone else, and that I'm not properly in control.

If I were single I'd be in the frame of mind to leave the country right now and go find some adventure. But unfortunately I'm not in that position, so I'm kind of... stuck.

I don't know any of the answers, by the way. Just helps sometimes to write down the questions.