Family Values

I’m worried that with my constant rating about His family, I may have not only confused some of you, but have actually missed out the two people in his family that make the constant gatherings bearable.

And so, I would like to introduce you to the wonderful Dollface and 007. But first, here’s a paragraph explaining how they all fit together…

MIL (Mother-in-Law) married Elvis (he looked him, honest!), and they begat Venus and Cuck(old). When Venus and Cuck were in their mid teens, He came along as a surprise package to MIL and Elvis. Shortly afterwards, Venus married Mars (they met at Church club – how endearing), and Cuck married Riptorn (he shagged her one night on holiday and she wouldn’t fuck off). Cuck and Riptorn then begat Prince and Princess within a year of each other, and Mars and Venus begat 007 shortly afterwards. A few years after that, a year after Elvis left the building, Dollface was born to Venus. Oh, yeah, and three years later, He met me and the feuding started…

So, 007 and Dollface. Despite being 11 (tomorrow) and 6 respectively, they are two of my favourite people in the whole world. 007 is a total tomboy, and plays footie like a miniature David Beckham, as well as having an intellect that reminds me of mine at that age. Dollface is the girlie one, a tiny fairylike creature who likes pink tutus and Barbie, and can throw the best tantrums in the world apart from mine. They are what makes being in-lawed to his family bearable.

So, as I say, I felt they deserved a mention. As does the fact that 007's birthday tomorrow not only means a whole day with the Munsters, but we also have to stay over at MIL's. All I can say to this one is, thanks a fucking lot.