Rockin' Around the Corporate Christmas Tree

Ah, the office Christmas party. I’m always surprised when people talk about having a wonderful time at these things, enjoying fun and frolics with cherished colleagues and coming into work next day to share amusing tales of karaoke and kisses under the mistletoe. The only half decent one I ever went to was still very much like an awkward cocktail party hosted by the Conservative Party.

I have, you see, always worked for very large companies, and so the Christmas parties have always been held on-site, and have always had Very Important People present in front of whom you cannot get drunk, misbehave, or criticise the company (not that I’ve ever been very good at keeping my mouth shut on that last point – I was once sacked for gross misconduct comprising a full and frank email appraisal of my department’s problems.)

So tonight I shall once again be employing the best office party survival strategy I’ve yet come up with: stay for an hour, slowly drink one glass of wine, gently flirt with the important people, leave quietly...

...and then rendezvous with office pals at the pre-arranged spot down the pub for drunkenness and company-slagging.

Tis the season to be jolly (cunning) after all…