Quarter Life Crisis?!
I think I am having some kind of crisis. I've become completely obsessed with my inability to work out what I want from life. Surely by this point I should have a clear idea of what I want to do with my life, should be able to say for good or for ill what the true state of my marriage is, and be thinking seriously about Important Things like buying a house and learning to drive, and probably even be able to think about babies without wanting to chuck up.
As it is, I'm vacillating wildly about my career choice - should I go down the academic route (MA, PhD, lecturing), or should I stick with student services for a bit and start looking for a proper Student Adviser post with lots of helping stricken students and lots more money? Or, right out of left field, do I do my European Integration MA and go for a job in Brussells or similar? I honestly haven't a clue, but I know I'm bored out of my box here and working at a level considerably below what I'm capable of.
I don't want to buy a house, because I like renting and I don't have the faintest clue where I want to settle, if I want to settle at all. I can't start learning to drive again because it's too expensive, and I'm a lousy driver anyway. And I hate children 90% of the time, but because He doesn't I keep feeling honour-bound to say things like "When we have kids", even though it makes me sweaty and nauseous even thinking about being at the beck and call of a smelly pukey thing that will then grow into a stroppy angry ungrateful thing, and will hold my life hostage for at least 18 years.
As for my marriage... I love Him. That's the one thing I know for sure. But the thing they never tell you is that that isn't always enough. I'm terrified that the differences in our opinions and values that always seemed so exciting and interesting might actually start to grate and crush the brilliantness of our relationship. I'm scared it's already started. I'm just scared full stop.
I think I'm having one of those quarter-life crisis thingies.
As it is, I'm vacillating wildly about my career choice - should I go down the academic route (MA, PhD, lecturing), or should I stick with student services for a bit and start looking for a proper Student Adviser post with lots of helping stricken students and lots more money? Or, right out of left field, do I do my European Integration MA and go for a job in Brussells or similar? I honestly haven't a clue, but I know I'm bored out of my box here and working at a level considerably below what I'm capable of.
I don't want to buy a house, because I like renting and I don't have the faintest clue where I want to settle, if I want to settle at all. I can't start learning to drive again because it's too expensive, and I'm a lousy driver anyway. And I hate children 90% of the time, but because He doesn't I keep feeling honour-bound to say things like "When we have kids", even though it makes me sweaty and nauseous even thinking about being at the beck and call of a smelly pukey thing that will then grow into a stroppy angry ungrateful thing, and will hold my life hostage for at least 18 years.
As for my marriage... I love Him. That's the one thing I know for sure. But the thing they never tell you is that that isn't always enough. I'm terrified that the differences in our opinions and values that always seemed so exciting and interesting might actually start to grate and crush the brilliantness of our relationship. I'm scared it's already started. I'm just scared full stop.
I think I'm having one of those quarter-life crisis thingies.
posted by Mookmoo at 3:56 pm
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