The Female of the Species

So... my period's late.

Which has happened quite a few times before.

But hell, let's worry about it anyway.

If I had a girl baby, I'd call it Scarlett. If I had a boy baby, Charlie.

(And I'm doing this because the more I try and convince myself I am pregnant, the more likely it is that I'm not)

He's pretty keen on the idea. Keener than me anyway (which isn't hard - I fucking hate children)(Well, 90% of the time, when I haven't just seen a Calvin Klein ad or similar in which motherhood looks sexy and stylish). I told Him He can keep it, and I'll go away and come back when it's 18 and has left home. Because the relationship we would have for the 18 years it was growing up would be shit anyway, so we wouldn't be missing out.

He said He reckoned He could name at least one couple we know who have a happy relationship and have children. That was over an hour ago and He's still trying to think of one.

I fucking hate kids. And I'm fucking irresponsible too. I'd leave it in the supermarket, or on a bus. Probably on purpose.

Although we could always put it out to work as a baby model and live off its earnings...

See?! See?! I'm an unfit mother even before I've had a bloody baby!